Ahhh yes, you’ve just set up a date with a gorgeous girl, and you can’t wait until Saturday night. Then you go out with this beauty, and as you leave the restaurant, you see another girl even more attractive than the one you’re with. She glances at you and smiles, and you immediately think you’ve been short-changed. What?!
When you drop your date off at her home, she tells you that she really enjoyed her evening and looks forward to seeing you again. Then you drop the bombshell and say, “I’ll call you later“. She expresses delight, kisses you goodnight, and goes into her apartment. After she shuts the door, she relishes in thinking about getting your call to set up another date. However, you have no intention of calling her again. Does this sound familiar?
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Perhaps you recall the episode of the sitcom “Friends” in which Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) got upset with Chandler (Matthew Perry) for telling his dates, “I’ll call you later” (when he had no intention of doing so). Chandler told Rachel that that’s what he told all his dates even though he usually had no plans of calling them afterward. Rachel said that not only was he misleading each and every girl to whom he said this, BUT he was downright lying to them! It was no wonder then to Rachel why Chandler didn’t have a girlfriend….he was sabotaging the relationship from the beginning.
Basically, Chandler was setting himself up to be perceived as having no integrity, being a phony, and being untrustworthy. Rachel then understood why Chandler wasn’t making any headway in developing a serious relationship with a girl. His behavior had become a bad habit of automatically saying something that wasn’t true.
Is this happening to you? Do you find yourself saying something out of habit as if you are on autopilot?
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If so, perhaps it’s time to start correcting that bad habit so that you can start connecting in a purposeful and honest way. When you finish a job interview, do you tell the interviewer that you will follow up at their convenience (only to not do so)? After meeting a new acquaintance, do you tell them you will touch base to set up a time to meet for coffee or lunch (only to not do so)? At the conclusion of a date, do you tell her that you’ll call her later (as Chandler did)?
Keep in mind that when you make a statement committing to an action of some kind, the other party takes you for your word….unless you demonstrate otherwise through your lack of follow through. That said, if you do commit to following up with a call, an email, or maybe even a text, do it – the love of your life, your dream job, or that new client relationship may hinge on whether your words and actions are in alignment.